I was a nuclear reactor operator on fast attack submarines. We did not usually have donuts down there...what was I to do.

I generally felt somewhat inadequate with life until I came up with a solution...PEANUT BUTTER

Sure peanut butter tastes great, WE ALL KNOW THAT! There are other reasons peanut butter is good though. Peanuts contain a subtle amount of a chemical called Tryptophan. Its that stuff in turkey that makes you sleepy.

I would sit down at breakfast and throw over a half jar of peanut butter on my waffles. Some of the other sailors were offended. They said comments like "I hope you get fat." Another one of my favorites is "Your going to hell."

The problem with those statements were that I was
1.)already fat
2.)alerady in hell

When people gave me comments like that I would feast off them though. I would point at the menu and say "what are you talking about, its only 348 calories - see waffle with assorted toppings -348 calories."

I continued on a peanut butter rampage the whole time I was on that submarine. The funny thing is it wasn't until years later that I discovered I was using peanut butter (and its tryptophan) to fight off my depression.