So I had a dream that doctors reconfigured my grandmothers brain via surgery to help her live more happy. Not sure if I was drunk or just purely headonistic, but it sounded like a good idea to me too. So I was in the doctors office and laying face down ready to get my head lopped open. I overheard them giving the speil to someone else and thought "whoa fuck this".

They somehow drugged me, I think shooting some tranquilizer into my brain. When I woke the world was all wavy and I could make little sense of it. I was like screw this I am leaving. So I drove away (while still seeing the world all wavy) but I did not get in a wreck or anything.

The basic thing with the change was that is somehow pulled the brain together. Amplifying lots of sensory inputs and the sense of hapiness.

The dream continued... not sure if this imaginary hospital was in California or if my brother was in Illinois, but he talked about going to watch Coldplay in Alaska. Driving no less. Random.

I think he was somewhere weird as well (like whatever my grandma went through only on a different front).

My dream continued with a few more weird spirals and whatnot, but from it I concluded:
- life is not necissarily as bad as I sometimes paint it to be.
- the human mind is absurdely strong
- if you change someting like your mind permanently you may or may not like the results. it will probably end up for the worse since some of your greatest personal character flaws likely are also responsible for some of your greatest attributes.
- the Navy is a piece of shit. Actually, I have thought that for a while. But on another front, not sure if it was the dream that led me to a new conclusion or what part of the dream.

I got thinking about how things have happened in my life. I never really had to try much. Never had to put much effort into life to do well by whatever arbitrary measurements were set forth (physical or mental ones usually), but have always been at least a bit socially detatched to many things.

I realize that in life I likely needed some motivation, something to attach to, something to believe in, etc. I joined the Navy and actually found something to hate. An emotion to attach to. Odds are, no matter what field I would have went to after high school I likely would have been unhappy.

I am glad the Navy was such an extreme unhappiness because it gave me the motivation necissary to not need to rely on others as much and to find out whatever I wanted to do. I think my picture of the navy might be a bit bleak compared to reality, but then again it is pretty bad, and something needs to offset that rosey marketing B/S.

You rewrite your memories each time you think of them to include events since the last time you thought of them. Perhaps I could learn to do some things to rewrite some of my personal image ideas. Then again, I got to be careful not to lose motivation. Need something positive to attach to. Maybe the Cosmos? ;)