June 13, 2005
Addiction Poem
A series of addictions
from which to jump or swim
longing for the next
when you can help many
but yourself
it feels fake wearing a smile
oh but the moneys great
and I can do whatever I want
except that I usually just don't care
as you grow older
the mind slows
and I am scared of the though
of the day
I am
no longer addicted
So what style would this be ?
a
b
c
d
e
f
g
h
i
j
k
l
I think you forgot an I in there; the rhymes, also. Iambic pentameter would help - it would at least make it art in some way. It would definitely give it better rhythm. Work a little more on the meter, power and inflection in it and it might spruce it up a bit.
there was no style on it, and it intentionally does not rhyme :)
although the sentence from the section before the last getting cut off and finished in the last section is to signify the addiction still feeds on.
the last section being shorter was intended to signify slower thoughts and the end of life approaching.
I think maybe. but then again I just typed the shit, not sure I know what it means.