I loved my trip to Austin. My favorite parts were probably Bruce Sterling's speech, hanging out with Andy and Amy, and morning walks near the river. If I did a morning walk like that 3 times a week I think I would be at least twice as happy as I am.

I am back to the day to day grind and think one of the reasons I have not felt as good as I should, is that with the luck in market timing and resources I have been given, I have not felt like I created anything truly inspiring, original, or fundamentally market changing.

I have had some people tell me otherwise from a personal level, but I have so much more potential than what I do, and each day I don't really see myself getting closer to exploiting it. I have been chipping away doing the small boring predictable stuff. I get great customer feedback, but if you become used to getting it you can take it for granted and the excitement wears off. Then what?

In the last month I got offered to become a teacher at three different places, and one of the potential opportunities could have had me teaching masters level courses at a college. WTF is THAT for a kid that never went to school and only began learning what he is doing about 3 years ago?

Others would probably kill to be in that position, and I think that should qualify me to be happy, but for some reason (maybe I am just tired) I feel like I am just letting time pass me by. Any time I have taken a personality test I always fall under that dreamer category. While I still learn something most every day, I have not felt that I have been adequately challenging myself over the past year (physically, mentally, or socially). And frankly, I wouldn't even know where to start with being social. Maybe reading a book about it? hehehe

I have killed the sugar addiction and my weight is coming down (already lost 14 pounds in 2 months without lots of effort), so that is still fixable. But I guess I have just started to become somewhat successful and yet I fear that if I do not change something soon I will find that I am old and alone, and that I never found what I really wanted because I settled on the first thing that I was successful at.

I see other people do what I can tell they are truly inspired in (Bob Dylan, Tim Berners-Lee, Radiohead, Carl Sagan, The Pixies, Bruce Sterling, Danny Sullivan, Paul Van Dyk, Noam Chomsky, The Strokes) and wonder where my role is. How can I be both inspiring and truly inspired by what I do?

I think the social, physical, emotional, and mental isolation and boredom would be solved if I found what I really wanted to do. I just have to find it. What happens if it is not on the web? Will I find it? Or will I need to wait until everything is connected on the web?