So last night a guy called me, who seemed like a fan. Quite weird that to me...that someone would think highly enough of me to be a fan.

I am so fucked up with life on so many fronts, and that is most likely largely because I tell myself that I am and then act the part, but it still is quite odd to me that some people like me that much.

I know I need to like myself more, but I think one of my biggest problems is that most of my self improvement initiatives are contrived bullshit where I try to make a spectacle of myself rather than taking a holistic look at what I really want out of life.

I should be beyond thinking what I want to do yesterday today or tomorrow. And maybe if I spent a bit of time away from the web I will find what I want. Weird that typing text is about my only expressive outlet or social connection with other people. But it is truthfully quite arbitrary. Electrons flow. It means nothing more than that. And never will.

I can't expect others to like me and for it to mean anything until I learn to like myself and have expressive outlets that do not involve the web or drinking or other ways of acting stupid.